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{\Huge {\bf Biostat Division Blues}}
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Words:  L.\ Waller, D.\ Seehausen, and B.\ Carlin 

\mbox{Music:  J.\ Croce (``Workin' at the Car Wash Blues'')}
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{\bf V1:}\>Well I had just got out of a graduate program,\\
\>\>Doin' four years of mathematical stat,\\
\>Tried to find a tenure-track position,\\
\>\>But with my theoretical hat,\\
\\
\>I couldn't get an interview -- in all those departments\\
\>\>They had all the deadwood that they could use!\\
\>Now I got those steadily depressin', low-down,\\
\>\>mind-messin', Biostat Division Blues!\\
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{\bf V2:}\>Well, now I'm sittin' around in a' air-conditioned\\
\>\>Mayo office in a swivel chair,\\
\>Gossiping with the administrative assistant,\\
\>\>Sayin', ``Hey now, Donna -- let's go have a beer!''\\
\\
\>`Cause with all my grants and committee assignments,\\
\>\>I'm really getting mighty confused!\\
\>That's why I got those steadily depressin', low-down,\\
\>\>mind-messin', Biostat Division Blues!\\
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{\bf Bridge:}\>You know a man of my abilities,\\
\>\>I should-a have this School on a leash,\\
\>But 'til I get tenure here, it's APT that I fear,\\
\>\>So I just write another paper and teach!\\
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{\bf V3:}\>Well all I can do is-a shake my head,\\
\>\>-- You might not believe the news --\\
\>But workin' at this end of the workstation network\\
\>\>Is an undiscovered Thomas Louis!\\
\\
\>And someday you're gonna see me\\
\>\>\>with a double martini,\\
\>\>Because with tenure, you got nothing to lose!\\
\>Till then I got those steadily depressin', low-down,\\
\>\>mind-messin', Biostat Division Blues!\\
\\
\>Yeah I got them steadily depressin', low-down,\\
\>\>mind-messin', Biostat Division Blues!
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